All posts by mkadubec

2018 Week 7 Power Rankings

Despite missing a couple weeks, the Power Rankings are back, and just happen to coincide with an NRM win!  The two things are probably entirely unrelated.  The gap since week 3, does give us a nice view into how the landscape has changed, with some big movers in both directions.

Without further adieu.. here are your quintessential commissioners power rankings for week 7.

1 – UP 2 – Blind Squirrels – Doesn’t really get any easier than this ranking.  Six game winning streak, first in points, reigning champion, owner of Todd Gurley.  It’s his to lose.

2 – DOWN 1 – Jake & Elwood Blues – Continuing to put up big numbers, tied for the first best record, and a 2 game winning streak.  Another easy ranking. This is kinda boring so far.

3 – UP 7 – Kali Kine – A big mover over the last 4 weeks.   Kali’s gotten hot, is in the top 3 in points, and is generally looking like a team on the rise since benching his 5th round pick, and changing directions towards the veteran Matt Ryan.  It’s hard for us to understand how this team could start Jordan Reed over the two different starting RB options they had last week, but it didn’t cost them because there is really no justice in fantasy football.

4 – UP 3 – Miki’s Mokes – Ok, now things are getting interesting.  The Mokes in the 4 spot? This has to be favoritism! Nope.  Miki’s finally hitting her stride, with 4 consecutive weeks over 120 points, and the emergence of Kerryon Johnson.  If they can get a fully healthy Dalvin Cook back for the end of the year another championship could be within reach.

5 – UP 1 – Big Lunch – A solid 4-3 record, and the tastiest WR’s in the league keep Lunch easily within the top 5.  The point total is a little lackluster, but the results have generally been good, and they avoided a major setback with Sony Michel.  Big Lunch has the pieces to win it all, and just needs a few things to stabilize at the RB position.

6 – UP 2 – Niners R Metal – You have got to be kidding me?  Top 6 for a team that’s 2-5?  Yes, top 6 for a team that’s 2-5.  While second in points, NRM has faced a league high 1006.23 points against.  After a big win against Big Lunch, the metal maniacs have matchups against The Roughnecks, Ronan Machine, and Sweet Baby Jesus over the next 3 weeks.  Facing only one team with a winning record the rest of the year, there is a clear path to the playoffs, but the pressure is on.

7 – DOWN 5 – Congo.natty – Still 4-3 and firmly in the mix for a playoff spot, but congo.natty is undeniably in a freefall.  Losers of 3 straight, the only thing dropping off faster than their point totals is their RB’s. Foreman lost for the year, Gordon now dealing with a hamstring, and Kamara losing volume.  The Nats are going to need some good luck and some more waiver finds like John Brown to breathe life into their receiving core, if this team is going to stay in contention. A big matchup with the Moke’s awaits in week 8.

8 – DOWN 3 – Just Win Baby – It’s not uncommon for rookies to start strong, and then take a few steps back after the league adjusts.  Still well positioned at 3-4, JWB really needs an upset win against Kali Kine on a week where they are missing some key pieces to Bye’s.  Still a lot of solid producers on the team, but Gronk needs to be Gronk and become another consistent double digit point scorer in this offense if they are going to have any change of making the playoffs.

9 – UP 3 – Sweet Baby Jesus – We said it week 1, and it’s remained true.  This team is missing a running game. The receivers are excellent and can carry things to a point, but 120 point weeks aren’t enough to win consistently this year, and with a little less good fortune, Jesus could easily be sitting on 1 win.  3rd from last in points, and 9 of 12 in the power rankings.  Sounds about right.

10 – UP 1 – El Paso Roughnecks – Some of the numbers would tell you El Paso is a better team than SBJ.  Still, a head to head loss, coupled with the trade of Carlos Hyde to irrelevance, really leaves the Roughnecks in a bad position going into week 8 with no real running game and their best players on bye.  I don’t see a Bromo in this teams future, but their lack of viable bench depth is starting to play out as anticipated.

11 – DOWN 6 – Z’Smashmouths – After 2 more losses the best thing the Smashies have going for them right now is the fact Ronan Machine has lost 6 straight.  This is a Platinum franchise with a storied league history.  They don’t need us to tell them it’s a down year, and second to last in points tells the whole story.

12 – DOWN 3 – Ronan Machine – It’s probably too late for the Machines to get back in contention, but they’ve made some good moves of late, and the rise of Marlon Mack (if it lasts more than a week) and the trade of Amari Cooper at least given them reason for positivity.  This is a must win week in a winnable matchup against Sweet Baby Jesus with a chance to move out of the cellar.

2018 Week 3 Power Rankings

Enjoying the football banter in the new Facebook chat.  Great idea Nico!  Only way it could be better is if we could get Pat and New Joe in.  You only need the messenger app guys, you don’t have to do the whole facebook thing.

Here are your quintessential commissioners power rankings for week 3.

1 – No Change – Jake & Elwood Blues – Another week, another win.  3-0, and one of only 3 teams over 400 points after 3 weeks.   Who needs a running game when you get all your WR choices right.

2 – No Change – congo.natty – Barely hanging on to the two spot, their week 3 win was a bit of good fortune.  Still, the emergence of Chris Godwin looks real, and helps answer some significant questions about their WR’s.

3 – No Change – Blind Squirrels – 142 points in week 3.  The Squirrels had been riding Gurley’s coattails a little early on, but now everyone’s starting to contribute.  Watch out.

4 – Up 7 – Just Win Baby – Ok OK, chill out man, you’re gonna start scaring people.  Jumping up a massive 7 spots, Just Win Maybe is starting to look more like Just Win Definitely.   Great performances on back to back weeks, don’t get cocky.

5 – Down 1 – Z’Smashmouths – A solid middle of the road kind of week, but faced the weeks top scorer.  No shame in the loss, but some inconsistent players seem to be playing inconsistently.  The Smashies really need David Johnson to start getting comfortable again and provide the safe comfortable floor for the running game.

6 – Up 1 – Big Lunch – Sometimes a solid week and a win is all you need to move up.  Week 3 was nothing astounding, but 2-1 is right about where we’d expect them.   Fuller & Henry for Wilson & Crowder.  Lunch’s moves look a little better when put together, but only time will tell if they truly improved, or just moved around some parts.

7 – Down 2 – Miki’s Mokes – The Mokes got their first loss.  2-1 is still a nice start, but it’s hard to keep them in the top 6 after an 89 point debacle on Sunday.  Still lots of talent on this team, there should be better days ahead.

8 – Down 2 – Niners R Metal – Hard to bounce back from an 0-3 start, especially when NRM hasn’t had a bad week yet.  Those bad weeks have to happen sometime, and when they do this ranking could plummet.  Second in points keeps them away from the basement, but they need to start realizing some of that potential pronto.

9 – Down 1 – Ronan Machine – Really just down 1 because some others moved up.  Week 3 was pretty ugly on the scoreboard, but a 50+ point Thursday from Jared Goff and the return of Leonard Fournette put them in a nice position going into the weekend.

10 – Up 2 – Kali Kine – Kali avoided a 0-3 start with a 150+ coming out party against the tough luck Roughnecks, and that’s while leaving a 50+ point day for Matt Ryan on the bench.  If the running game can contribute like this more regularly, this team should move into the top 6.

11 – Down 1 – El Paso Roughnecks – Top 6 in points, separated from the top 3 by only a couple points.  We said at the start of the year that the starting lineup was good, and so far it’s delivered.  A little luck, and the Roughneck’s could easily be 2-1, now they’re going to need it just to get out of this hole.

12 – Down 1 – Sweet Baby Jesus – They only needed a top 10 score to pickup a win in week 3, but finished 11th with 99.50 points.  This is a low point for SBJ but it doesn’t have to stay this way.  Week 4 should be interesting.  Arguably the two best WR core’s in the league square off when SBJ meets J&E.

2018 Week 2 Power Rankings

Pretty busy with work this week, so the rankings are a little late, and a little less developed than I’d like, but without further ado..

Here are your quintessential commissioners power rankings.

1 – No Change – Jake & Elwood Blues – An impressive week 2, only solidifies their status, but it had to be even sweeter when it was the Chicago Defense that delivered the come from behind win.  The blues is playing all the right notes to start the season.

2 – Up 3 – congo.natty – Could this really be the year?  Is 2018 when it all finally comes together for Congo.natty?  Looks like it so far.

3 – Down 1 – Blind Squirrels – No doubt a satisfying H2H win against brother Jesus, but we still need to see more points.  Expect Hunt to go off in a revenge game against his former fantasy team in week 3.

4 – No Change – Z’Smashmouths – Probably not as good as they were in week 1, and definitely not as bad as they were in week 2.  One thing that never changes.. losing close matchups against the Mokes.

5 – Up 1 – Miki’s Mokes – 2-0 but last in points.  What else really needs to be said here?

6 – Down 3 – Niners R Metal – 0-2 but second in points.   What else really needs to be said here?  Well, I guess that they are bad at making lineup decisions.

7 – Up 1 – Big Lunch – With Ingram and Edelman waiting in the wings, this looks like a team with Championship upside.  Nice bounce back win after a sub 100 point showing in week 1 which stands as the only sub 100 point week by any team so far this year.

8 – Down 1 – Ronan Machine – A loss, but nothing to be ashamed of in week 2.  Michael Thomas should do his part all year, but the Machines need Fournette to get healthy and be a true #1 back to really have a chance.  Wilkins and Morris aren’t going to cut it.

9 – Up 2 – El Paso Roughnecks – Watching the Roughnecks so far reminds me a little of watching the Browns.  A franchise that has struggled, but is finally doing some things right and still finding themselves without a win.   Maybe this week you’ll find your Baker Mayfield.

10 – No Change – Sweet Baby Jesus – Going to take it easy on you this week.  You seem a little grumpy and frustrated with your fantasy sports lately and as commissioner it’s my job to make sure you’re having a good time and enjoying yourself.  Don’t worry, beat congo.natty this week and you’ll get out of the double digit rankings for sure.

11 – Up 1 – Just Win Maybe – New Joe, I guess you earned the right to have your real team name listed, but the fact remains you beat an 0-2 team.  Not that big of an accomplishment.  Up 1 spot.

12 – Down 3 – Kali Kine – As someone who took Brees in the 5th round, I can definitely relate to how bad it sucks watching the QB you wasted a 5th round pick on score less points than your bench QB and cost you a matchup.  Sorry Herb, the season is young, but 0-2 and second to last in points.  It speaks for itself.

2018 Week 1 Power Rankings

I’ve been asked before to add more images, so I thought I’d put an image specific to each week at the start of the rankings.   I chose Derek Carr this week, whose horrendous play cost me week 1.

First week is always a little wacky, so some big movements, but admittedly some teams were definitely punished more than others for poor performances.  This doesn’t feel very stable yet, and I have a feeling it’s going to be a chaotic first few weeks before the rankings generally settle in closer to how I ranked them in the first place 😉

Here are your quintessential commissioners power rankings.  

1 – Up 1 – Jake & Elwood Blues – A team with a track record of recent success that seems to have nailed it in the draft.  If their WR depth is the Grand Canyon, their RB depth is a pothole, but J&E have made this strategy work before, and they know how to fill gaps on the wire.

2 – Down 1 – Blind Squirrels – On the surface week 1 looked pretty awful for Blind Squirrels, but they had tons of points on the bench, and had to suck up a -2 from the New Orleans Defense.  Slow start, but the addition of Hunt solidifies the running game, and they still generally look like a solid group. No need to panik.

3 – Up 3 – Niners R Metal – A massive 154 points looks good on the surface, but an 0-1 start is probably more befitting a team that got all it’s production from 4 players.  Always active, they already made a big splash in the trade market to address the WR position. The new look week 2 NRM should be interesting to watch.

4 – Up 4 – Z’Smashmouths – Soaring up the rankings, Z’Smashies are another team with a proven track record and they got consistent output from everyone on the roster in week 1.  This looks like a playoff team and the sky is the limit assuming David Johnson’s usage increases as the season goes on. I’m not sure if Zach will know what to do with a team he doesn’t have to completely recycle by the end of week 5.  

5 – Up 2 – Congo.natty – Another team bolstered by a couple otherworldly performances from their running game, the final score looks better than the actual player by player results.  Losing Delanie Walker for the year and a setback for Devonta Freeman won’t help much either. Still, it was a solid week on the waiver wire, and above average RB production on a weekly basis is a reasonable expectation from this group.

6 – Down 1 – Miki’s Mokes – Just when you think a second round investment in Aaron Rodgers couldn’t possibly be any dumber, he TOTALLY REDEEMS himself.  Miki won’t get that reference, but the Mokes did get a week 1 win by less than a point.

7 – UP 3 – Ronan Machine – How many teams would have the stones to draft Alfred Morris in the 4th round, and then bench him in week 1 for Kenny Stills and Jordan Wilkens?  The result of those decisions was 140 point big summer blowout win. Not too shabby.

8 – Down 5 – Big Lunch – This Big Lunch looked more like bird seed and carrots in week 1.  This team has made a huge investment in players that can hopefully help them in 3 or 4 weeks, but will they have enough wins by then for it to matter?

9 – Down 5 – Kali Kine – It was a rough week 1 loss, but hoping to eek out a win with a bottom 3 score isn’t really a strategy anyway.  Yep, I worked “hope isn’t a strategy” into a power ranking. Why? Because I’m a manager, and managers say stuff like that.

10 – Up 1 – Sweet Baby Jesus – Usually the team to lose a one point game, no one is happier to see New Joe enter the league than SBJ.  Super shocked by the lack of running production, but you got lucky with Yeldon. The overall point total was quite nice.

11 – Down 2 – El Paso Roughnecks – A very nice performance in week 1, backing up the wise assessment that this was a solid starting lineup.  Too bad you didn’t have Desean Jackson in on the only week all season he’ll be worth rostering.

12 – No Change- New Joe – Rookies don’t move up the rankings by losing.  Sure, Jimmy Graham didn’t hold up his end of the bargain on Monday night, but as a Raider fan how do you look past your 9th round pick Jordy Nelson, and overthink it with 12th rounder Rashaad Maaatthews coming back from injury?  Lots of uncomfortable questions coming out of this finish, but 135 points is a very good week and a tough loss by any standard.

2018 Preseason Power Rankings

Since you’re all pretty decent at this, and most of you have at some point won a fantasy football championship sometime, it’s likely that you don’t really need my expert fantasy football analysis.  

Actually, most of you do probably still need it, but you don’t think you do, so I just kept the bulk of my analysis and tips for those teams that are still looking for their first title.  (More on that below)

The rest of you get a ranking and some harmless shit talked in your general direction to get our competitive fires burning.  

For the teams that haven’t won titles, I know you probably feel like you could use a little help and insight from a multiple time champion and retired fantasy sports writer.  Yes, I’m really busy, but I made the time because in the end I’d like to see every team succeed eventually.  


Here are the quintessential commissioners power rankings.   If you disagree, you’re wrong.

 1. Blind Squirrels

Whenever I hear people talking about Marcus Mariota, they always compare him to Alex Smith, but what I don’t hear very often is people talking about how they want to target both of them.   I’m sure with Todd Gurley it doesn’t matter who you start at QB, but the rest of us still have to at least pay attention to it a little.  That said, you drafted the right players.

 2. Jake & Elwood Blues 

You and Zach really love to draft WR4 running backs.  Do you realize that Cohen, White, and Bernard combined didn’t have as many carries last year as Lamar Miller?  Is finding the next Darren Sproles to flex out on your bye weeks really worth 3 bench spots? Apparently so.  The starting lineup is balanced and legit tho.

3. Big Lunch

You’re probably going to win when Jimmy G puts up the highest single season touchdown total of any quarterback in NFL history so even though you didn’t have to draft a solid team with excellent RB depth you did.

4. Kali Kine

I don’t know if Ross and Eckler need to be owned in a 12 team league, but there isn’t really that much I can hate on with your team.  I wouldn’t want it of course, but still it looks like your brain is starting to come out of the Command Center fog that left you out of the playoffs 3 of the last 4 years.  This is a solid team that’s maybe lacking a little in explosiveness 

5. Miki’s Mokes

This team would look a lot better if instead of Aaron Rodgers it had ABSOLUTELY ANY OTHER AVAILABLE PLAYER taken in the second round.  Otherwise a lot to like here, and nothing much to hate about the draft. I think maybe one too many Rams WR’s. Which means you have two.  Two is too many, because you never need more than one. One, is the ideal number of WR’s to take from the same team.


See this is how you do it.  Massive upside at RB, and then a ton of mixed and matched WR’s balancing safe low upside startable talent and big upside breakout candidates.  Really an expert quality draft we’ll look back on and realize was far better than this modest ranking.

 7. Congo Natty – Comprehensive Analysis

Overall – Now I know hearing that your team is “amazing” would be a big confidence boost.  Unfortunately, while confidence is important, even more important is learning to accurately assess your team.  The truth is that your team is just “ok”.  It has some big strengths but they are balanced out by some pretty big weaknesses.  You’ve clearly learned that safe producers are important, but the key is mixing those safe producers with players that are poised for the career bests.  Outside of Alvin Kamara I don’t see anyone else like that, do you?

The Good – What’s not to love about Kamara, Gordon and Freeman?  Ok, so I don’t really love Gordon and Freeman, but ADP says it’s an amazing group and who am I to argue with ADP?  You believe in them and that belief is somewhat justified.  Godwin, Amendola and Powell were also nice bench picks where you took them.

The Bad – Someone had to take Doug Baldwin, so I can’t hold that against you, but no one had to take Kelvin Benjamin.  The WR group in general is just not a strong mix of names.  In the future, if you want to take Fitzgerald, then maybe don’t take Baldwin too and then go Allen Hurns.  Josh Doctson? When has Alex Smith ever made a second WR good?

My advice – Remember who you are.  Stop hiding with these weird typefaces and cryptic messages. There are many struggling franchises looking for their first trip to the mountain top, but they step out and proudly put on their Browns helmet anyway.  You are congo.natty.  Reclaim your identity, swap half your team by week 4, and then I’m confident you’ll be ready to make your run at fantasy immortality.

8. Z’Smashmouths

Zach hosted an awesome draft party, so I’m guessing he was distracted.   If the goal was to draft the team with the most players who formally missed entire seasons due to injury.  This was definitely the best draft.   Zach, I know you’re at your best with a chip on your shoulder, so starting out just 1 spot above the Roughnecks should do the trick.

 9. The Roughnecks

Per my own rules I said I’d only give advice to teams that have never won a championship.  Nevertheless, don’t feel like you can’t hit me up on the side and ask for a few tips, you’re one of my best and oldest friends and I’m always here for you.  Unfortunately, it’s too late to ask me for better options than DeSean Jackson, Mohamed Sanu, Cole Beasley, and Frank Gore. Shame too, I mostly like your starting lineup.

10.  Ronan Machine

You got the players you want, and there is something to be said for that.  I’m impressed by your ability to trust your own instincts and take players you like anytime you want, regardless of what you need, or what the best values are left on the draft board.  Alfred Morris ahead of Alex Collins, LeSean McCoy, Carlos Hyde, and Derek Henry… of course!! Njoku in round 6? Why not! You go girl.

11. Sweet Baby Jesus

Overall – Chris, you’re coming off a stellar third place finish last year.  Stellar for you that is, not for me, that’s why you need this extra attention.  

The Good – You really did do a nice job of filling out your top 3 WRs this year, and by that I mean, you didn’t screw it up (ok, they are kinda scary).  Still, I can’t be too impressed when you used your first three picks. I also have to applaud the thought process that went behind reaching for Kyle Rudolph.  That’s the sort of confident decision making I’d like to see more of.

The Bad – After being left with LeSean McCoy as a RB1, did you really back him up with Nick Chubb, Ronald Jones, Marlon Mack and Aaron Jones?  Chris, this just isn’t good enough. It’s not even close, and if there is some tiny part of you that is thinking “maybe Mark is wrong”, I urge you to tweet that list of RBs to anyone of your choosing.  Maybe, if I’m feeling really generous, I’ll let you trade me Tyreek Hill for Joe Mixon.  We’ll see.

My Advice – Start looking for RB’s homie.  That shit’s a mess.

12. New Joe

Overall – As a new team, you’re obviously last.  You have no track record, and most importantly, no championships.  Now, you may be tempted to say “Just stop! I’ll be fine, I don’t need your help.”  And I know that’s true, I know you know what you’re doing, and that’s why you’re here now in the greatest fantasy football league of them all.  But I also know you remember the championship game in our Family League last year and understand that I can help you get to the next level.  The next level is of course winning, which is what I did.

For the record, I’ll be referring to you as “New Joe”, or “Just win maybe?” That’s as close as I can get, and it’s a lot closer than the Raiders are going to be to Oakland next year.  BA DUM BUM!  (that was a drum sound)  Also, your draft was ok I guess.  Truth be told it was better than at least one other person, who will remain nameless.

The Good – There are some legitimate point scorers on this team and I think you’ll have some big weeks.  You have blown away the league at the TE position.

The Bad – You have blown away the league at the TE position.  I like where your heart is with those picks, but will you be comfortable running Dion Lewis and Raashad Penny out there as your RB1/RB2 if Barkley tears his ACL in week 1?    Just something to think about.

My advice – See if you can beat Chris to the waiver wire for some usable running backs.  

2016 Week 3 Power Rankings

Between injuries and quality general managers, there is nothing close to a perfect team this year.  Impact players are pretty well distributed across the league, and this is the tightest points race ever, with more than half the league still within 50 points of first place.  Bye weeks are here, and this is when the teams should start to separate a bit.

1.  UP 3 – Z’Smashmouth’s – Current points leader and probably the best structured team going into week 4.    Love David Johnson, love Allen Robinson, and Jarvis Landry, but someone else is going to need to step up for this team to stay at the top.  3.4 yards per carry at home against a terrible Miami team isn’t going to cut it Jeremy Hill.

2.  No Change – Cangniner – First overall, second in points, and the only team left with a chance at our leagues first undefeated season.  Still, with questionable depth, and a sometimes absentee general manager (forgot to start a TE), it’s hard to see this early roll continuing.  This week feels like Cangniner’s first loss via NRM.  Of course, I might be biased.

3.  UP 5 – Niners R Metal – Within 15 points of Z’Smashmouths, and with the highest totals in 2 of the first three weeks, NRM is proving quite resilient despite losing 5 of their first 9 picks in the first 3 weeks.   (Moncrief, Watkins, Ertz, Abdullah,  and Gordon).  Running back depth abounds, but they can’t afford another injury at WR.

4.  DOWN 3 – Miki’s Mokes – Haven’t had a bad week yet, but with Langford done for 6 weeks, and Rodgers/Cobb on bye, this might be theirpeeyal first one.  The Moke’s are going to need a bounce back game from Benjamin and Sharpe to be competitive.   RB depth is starting to become a problem.

5.  DOWN 2 – Ronan Machines – RB depth is going to be a challenge through the bye weeks, but the Machines still have a useful bench and one of the nicest looking groups of healthy ascending starters.   If Le’Veon Bell can come back and be the top 3 impact fantasy player he’s capable of, then expect Ronan Machines to finish in the top 3.

6.  UP 3 – Blind Squirrels – Like the Patriots themselves, BS managed to weather some early season challenges and come away with a 2-1 record.  Two receivers that look like they will finish top 5  (Green/Jones) should keep the Squirrels in it all year.   With Charles and Brady coming back to fill holes, the upside for this team looks very high.

7.  No Change – Sweet Baby Jesus – Some good consistent pieces, but as a team they feel a bit like an “RB2”.  Not much burst, decent vision, can grind out some tough yardage and have some “ok” weeks, but not really a home run hitter.   Someone like Devante Parker needs to step it up and become a breakout star for this team to contend.

8.  UP 3-  congo.natty – 5th in points, this might be the best 0-3 team in league history.  Running back depth is a concern, but Blount and Howard are a very nice bandaid with season long upside.   Marshall and Cooper should be difference makers by year end, but congo.natty can’t afford to wait much longer.  A week 4 matchup with Jake and Elwood Blues is essentially an early must win for both teams.

9.   DOWN 5 – Jake & ElWood Blues – I like the WR core, and the defending champs could win on any given week, but the RB’s are brutal, and depth is definitely a concern during the bye weeks.    If they can stay around .500 going into the final 3 weeks, they should have a shot at the playoffs with a late surge.

10. DOWN 4 – El Paso Roughnecks – A little like SBJ, there is a solid foundation with this team at every position, but no real sizzle.  If Dez and Alshon are the best of themselves by mid season, the Roughnecks should climb quickly, otherwise a team with a high floor and a low ceiling seems unlikely to keep up the way points have soared the first 3 weeks.

11.  UP 1 – Big Lunch – Not really sure if this team sucks, or is a hidden gem…  The starting lineup isn’t exactly filled with players that have justified their draft position, and their situations are unlikely to change much.  Still, Lunch has the magic touch, and there might be a balanced enough mix here of boom and bust to find their way back into contention.

12.   DOWN 2 – Kali Kine – Sorry, Herb.  New fathers aren’t expected to do much in fantasy football.  Last in points and 0-3, there is really no place else to put Kali Kine.  Nevertheless, Edelman and Gronk should ascend with the return of Tom Brady, and Hopkins and Cam have some huge games ahead of them.  Kali’s usually a second half team anyway.


2016 Week 2 Power Rankings

Week 3 Power ranking “bullet” addition is here.  PEW PEW PEW

Thanks again Zach!

1. Mokes-
• Still undefeated, silent assassin
• Gordon primed to go off all year
• Receivers and TE abound
• Ample RB depth
• Rodgers only scraping the surface
• Weekly game flow options everywhere

2. Cang-
• Might be highest rank all year
• Deceivingly competitive bench
• Manning underrated, and Mariota ready
• Decent PPR WRs
• Hyde will be a weekly headache

3. Machines-
• Matthews, Maclin, Miller & Reed at law
• Enjoy 3rd while you can
• Bell returning may keep you afloat
• Might be time to consider Wentz
• Denver D set it and forget it

4. Blues- (tie)
• 1st in points
• Spooky good bench
• Tough loss last week dropped rank
• Should look for TE options
• Diggs may be best draft value in ’16

4. Smash- (tie)
• Overall best league RBs
• Potentially league best QB options
• Still waiting for WRs to score
• When they do, watch out
• No more TE questions

6. Collarbones-
• Glorious WRs
• TEs should go off week in week out
• Tough bench decisions
• Not much RB depth

7. Jesus-
• Huge win last week
• Dalton & Wilson great matchup options
• Decent RBs lacking depth
• Parker ascending?

8. Metal-
• Oh how the mighty have fallen
• That’s loss last week tho
• More ER visits last week than me in ’16
• Long road ahead with tough schedule

9. Squirrels-
• Could be a top 4 team in a month
• Nice WRs, but RBs gonna need help
• Most competitive bottom half team

10. Kali-
• El Paso’s breakfast week 2
• Most points against
• Good depth Should keep them hunting

11. Natty-
• Losing AP hurts.. worry not / RB depth
• Cooper robbed, WRs yet to go big
• Should be in playoff hunt come wk 12

12. Lunch-
• Why you here? Where yo points be? 
• Bortles, Freeman and Thomas- bruh!?

2016 Week 1 Power Rankings

Week 1 in glorious Haiku form, courtesy of Z’Smashies.    The top 6 trend a little too close to the actual ranking lines for my taste,  but I suppose there will be plenty of time to go off script once we have a larger sample size.

Nice job again Zach, thanks for taking the time.

1. Blues-
Jake & Elwood Own
Whole team sans Tight End ate big
Cubbies clinch early

2. Metal-
Most points point two o
Kick whole league ass, big time eh
No likey Watkins

3. Mokes-
Big defensive points
Rodgers doing Rodgers things
Might be number one

4. Cang-
Twenty plus from four
Running backs looking solid
Screw preseason rank

5. Machines-
Williams Matthews
Carried you last week for sure
Week two Angry Lunch

6. Squirrels-
CJ and AJ
Ninth fewest points in week one
Waiting for Brady

Letdown over with
Down goes Keenan Allen damn
Michael Thomas time

8. Jesus-
Miki buzzsaws you
Riddick on bench don’t look good
Better days ahead

9. Natty
Brees big Raiders win
Team looks solid despite loss
Beat Mikis teams ass

10. Lunch-
Lucky not in last
Though points tell different tale
That’s the Roughnecks spot

11. Kali-
Two words scoreboard k
On paper team looks scary
Don’t lose to the Necks

12. El Paso-
Here we are again
Why was Larry on your bench
Let’s hope Dez don’t bust

2016 Pre-Season Power Rankings

2016 Pre-Season Rankings courtesy of Z’Smashmouths!

1. Big Lunch- Perennial contender and playoff staple, Lunch brings back a good part of the band with the leagues top receiver and a potential best value keeper in Freeman. Paired with Thomas and Lacy, weekly Sunday brunch stats will be warm up appetizers for Almuerzo Grande. Nom!

2. Blues- It’s hard not to put the high life boys in the top spot after last year’s coup, taking home both prizes for only the 2nd time in league history. They also return a core group from the season before, keeping Julio and securing PPR darling Woodhead as a solid RB2 behind Dougie fresh. Conjoined by solid QB play and a weekly top 5 defense, the Bro’s only downside is the role of their bench players.

3. Natty- Realistically, the top 3 teams are a virtual tie for #1. The only thing not putting Congo at #1 is their lack of a championship, as the only remaining original team in the league to not do so yet. That said, it’s quite possible the Congo Kamikaze’s can go undefeated this year with the team they have on paper. A top 3 QB, probably the league’s best receiving core next to NRM or Z’Smash, and and dangerous ground game led by AP and another PPR monster in Duke Johnson, General McCarthy has crafted his most formidable army yet. Could THIS finally be their year?

4. NRM- Modestly, the metal men could quietly have had the best draft. Potentially the leagues best QB, top keeper value via Gurley in the 5th, and maybe the leagues best WR trio(?).. Mad dogs countrywide were delighted to walk away with the best bench with by far more impact starters and TE options. Mark em down for a top 5 finish.

5. Mokes- Staying the course, when you think of Mikis team & Aaron Rodgers as keeper selection in round 1, it reminds you to say “who cares?” to the notion of waiting on signal callers. Or not. But as a whole, Mokes hold a sneaky running game that could be top point scorers week in week out, and depth at WR half of the league will envy. With an easy early schedule it’s hard seeing this team slipping out of playoff contention at any point of the season.

6. Z’Smash- The only thing keeping this team from a top 4 selection is questions at TE. With a top receiver core, and potentially the leagues best running game led by a gem of a keeper in the 5th in DJ and more depth than any team at the position (Derek Henry as an RB4?), the boys from Varmitville stayed true to their identity by owning the ground game. They’ll need the help with an unfavorable matchup scheduled wk1 against NRM. Allen Robinson may be the difference maker in the outcome of that game.

7. Kali- A new proud dad, and another who likes to keep the band together, the former Shaka’s returned Nuk and Superman the bring back what they envision as a title contender. At face value they may have the most dangerous PPR duo in Shady and Gio, but pundits alike see regression at the WR 3 position with little depth behind their starter and health concerns at TE with Gronk already not playing in the opener. Savy, the Herbalist will plug and play to be a weekly nuisance but we don’t see them returning to the dance come week 14.

8.Collarbones- Could this be their best team drafted ever? A havoc reaping WR crew led by their keeper and #mancrush bromance Dez, an RB combo running behind top 5 oline and a top 5 QB when healthy (asterisk).. El Paso has depth and favorable scheduling that can move them into playoff contention come the end of wk 13.

9. CangNiner- BroCangs squad can be deceivingly tough weekly competition. Their preseason rank more reflects their bottom half finish the last few years after winning the league 4 years ago. Not great keeper value by taking Murray again with the round 1 price tag, and questions at the RB position behind him, Joe held the fort by shoring up some decent PPR receivers in Cooks and Decker. Elephant in the living room is the bench, where behind Garçon, there’s not a player even Bruce Miller would punch in the face with excitement. This team could either finish 6th or 11th for all we know.

10. Squirrels- Pat, the league wants you to contend, we really do. But taking Rawls as a keeper was the original sin, for he may not suit up for the 1st few weeks. Your bench is impressive to back up a dangerous core of CJ Anderson and AJ Green, but large question marks at RB2  TE and flex leave much to be desired and proven by this team that can be big or be bust, with weekly consistency not likely to be consistent. Chipmunk to secret squirrel: your team needs Metamucil.

11. SBJ- Sith Lords must have hijacked the draft party’s host computer.. while everyone was constricting competitive teams, Cjax pointedly zigged in the wrong direction as most others zagged. If waiting until the 4th round to grab a WR might not be the best approach in a PPR league, it definitely won’t get you a playoff ranking.  Particularly when you take a clean slate. The statistics of rookies who bust is in the high 70 percentile, and while Zeke behind that offensive line is sexy, spending a 1 st round pick on him is hideous. The only upside this team shows is garbage time point racking by Russel Wilson 4th quarter antics, and Mark Ingram running the ball 20 something times a game after Brees goes off and the Saints are up huge. League pundits are taking the under on 5 total wins for the Baby’s.

12. Machines- Shannon may have been a little preoccupied by salivating over Zacs meat during the draft, she even said so. Keeping a player in Bell who will miss 3 games already put her at disadvantage, but following up by Maclin as the WR1 and “one more  concussion away from being out of football” in Jordan Reed as a round 5 pick she really did herself no favors. Coupled by a bench that highlights more depth at TE than the more important WR/RB spots, it’s tough to envision this team overcoming a devastating injury, let alone winning more than 4 games. Plus, Kirk Cousins Shannon. Really?

2015 Week 6 Power Rankings

Teams bouncing around all over the place!

  1. Kali Kine – Up 1 – H1 – L6 – Best start in league history?  Respect the 6-0.  Fear the return of Big Ben.
  2. Big Lunch – Down 1 – H1 – L6- Looking more like a sirloin than a choice ribeye two out of the last three weeks.  Still the champ, still very much the team to beat.
  3.   NINERS R METAL – Up 4 – H3 – L12 – No ones gonna like it, but down deep they know it’s true.  Third in points, 2 straight wins.  League is on notice.
  4.  Jake & Elwood Blues – No Change – H3 – L9 – A loss, but a narrow loss.  Even at 3-3, this still looks like one of the most dangerous teams.   The QB situation is a little sketchy tho.
  5.   congo.natty – No Change –  H1 – L5 – A loss, and a tough task ahead with half their players on bye.  But the natty’s should have a playoff team here.
  6.  Z’Smashmouths – Down 3 – H2 – L8 – Hanging in there, but this team doesn’t quite feel the same without Charles.  But the predicted best running game in the league, needs to step it up in a major way.
  7.   Sweet Baby Jesus – Down 1 – H4 – L8 – Still no doubt in my mind this should be a playoff team, but between poor management, and bad luck, there isn’t a lot of room for error left. 
  8.   Miki’s Mokes – No Change – H2 – L8 – Back to 3-3 and deploying a lot of two TE sets.  With the 4 point start from congo.natty, it’s the Moke’s game to lose.
  9.    Cangniner – UP 1– H9 – L11- Best win of the year for Cangniner, knocking off Big Lunch, so how do they follow it up?  Starting Kap against the Seattle defense.  You’re the fan the Niners need, but don’t deserve.
  10.   Blind Squirrels – Up 1 – H4 – L11 – A much needed win, but still the bottom scorer.   Still, with Lynch healthy, and Jeffery back in the lineup, it’s not too late to make a run.  Another must win against the Roughnecks this week tho.
  11.  The Roughnecks- Up 1 – H9 – L12 – It’s hard to imagine recovering from 1-5, but when I think of an 11th ranked team that in a few weeks could be rolling out Rivers, Dez, Edleman, McCoy, Blount, and Marvin Jones… who knows?
  12.   RonanMachine – Down 3 – H7 – L12 – I think the team looks pretty good, but when you’ve scored the second fewest points the numbers speak for themselves.  Matt Ryan needs a healthy Julio back, and that’s a good 50% of this teams problems.    The other 50% is Randall Cobb’s injury.