2019 Preseason power rankings

Not funny. Just kinda mean.

  1. Niners R Metal – Talkie Two Belts; the King, Emperor, and Sultan of Mr. Talkies Egotistical World, is extremely worried he’s going to regret that Kirk or Gordon decision he made in round 7, but the truth is it probably will make almost no difference at all.  Highly opinionated reaches, breakout candidates, and upside galore, this draft screams NINERS R METAL. But then, you don’t fix what isn’t broken. Want the #1 spot, come take it.
  2. Congo.natty – This might be the best team on paper.  No obvious weaknesses and a nice mix of upside and useful players on the bench.  I actually approve of this draft, and they have first waivers. It almost seems impossible for congo.natty to screw it up this year…  almost…
  3. Miki’s Mokes – The only thing stupid about this draft was taking both Kelce and Hill in the first 2 rounds.  There might not be as much upside as their should be on this roster, it’s a surprisingly safe group for the Mokes, but the bench is deep with a ton of startable options, and should probably be a playoff team. It might have been a little bit of a jerk move to take Tony Pollard from Nico tho.
  4. Just Win Baby – There is some stuff that’s kinda good about this team, but also some stuff that kinda boggles the mind.  I know you like the Las Vegas Raiders Joe, and sure, you might as well have the Quarterback and the running back, but did you also need BOTH wide receivers?  How can we take this seriously? I take the team seriously, I think you drafted a damn scary roster honestly, but I see the holes. The holes are there, and I worry you’ll just fill them with Jalen Richard and Darren Waller pickups. 
  5. Kali Kine – Do I like some of these picks?  No. I don’t. But they aren’t bad picks. They are all perfectly reasonable actually.  Herb thinks about things a little differently, but he’s also a former champion and a perennial contender.  There is nothing about this draft worth bashing, but I think I will anyway. Every year you draft a couple dudes like Lindsey and Moore and Fitzgerald who just seem really unlikely to win you a league.  People that have to be played, someone has to draft them, so it seems like it ends up you. I see the case for Moore.. But did you come into the draft thinking “I just gotta have Lindsay in the 5th!” I doubt it
  6. Big Lunch – Did someone else draft for Mike?  This is the worst wide receiving core I’ve seen on a Big Lunch team.  Could it be ok? Sure… Gordon could perform like it’s 2013, and Robinson like it’s 2015 (both on my teams), but is that likely?  What they lack in pass catchers is probably made up for in RB’s, and backs have carried the day in recent years.  We’ll see. Playoff team potential, put could fall apart fast if the WR’s go worst case scenario.
  7. Z’Smashmouths – I’ve bought some popcorn and I’m going to be pretty intrigued to see how this team turns out, especially after the Luck screwjob.  After winning the Bromo, I’m impressed that you didn’t try to play it safe, but this WR group is problematic, and while Michel could definitely be a league winner, he could be a disappointment as well.   Looking at the roster, it just feels like there should be another elite player at some position, though I do like Hunter Henry. Mike Evans feels better as a WR2, but Cam is a nice addition… I dunno this roster is a crap shoot.
  8. Blind Squirrels – The core here should deliver as expected, and there is potential for the starting 3 WR’s to be very good, but this doesn’t look like a Squirrels team at all.  Other than Russel Wilson, where are all the safe boring veterans who are underrated and excellent statistical value? You took a kicker in the 13th round? You’re lucky McCoy got released or you’d really have no startable flex.  I actually like David Montgomery, but this isn’t the usual Blind Squirrels running assault that’s won championships 
  9. Jake And Elwood Blues – Nevermind, I’m wrong. Just Win Baby can’t pickup Jalen Richard, you already have him. Unlike several other people, this draft was 100% a J&E draft, unfortunately it was like a B- version of it.  There are all the hallmarks. A couple crucial big upside players, a bunch of running backs who only catch passes, and players one hit away from season ending injury.  If Gordon comes back by week 4, you’re probably a contender tho, the bench is well constructed. A few people in the league could learn from how you drafted, but they probably won’t.
  10. Sweet Baby Jesus – Let me get this straight.. you got screwed into owning Damien Williams in your other friends league, and then you willingly draft him again in ours?  It’s kinda hard to feel bad for you now. There’s a good base of players on this team, especially at wide receiver, but it’s going to take a full Mayfield 40 touchdown breakout to make up for the debacle that is your running game after Aaron Jones  
  11. El Paso Roughnecks – Every Roughnecks team starts the year with league provided complimentary walkers and coupons for discount hip replacement surgery.  They are old. And not the overlooked high value old guys Patrick likes, I mean crusty zero upside old. Now that said, I’m a believer in Henry so the running game here when Zeke signs is going to be kinda impressive, and the wide receivers are decent enough.  If Brees has one more big year in him, who knows, could be a playoff team, but that bench is going to have to improve a lot in the first few weeks.
  12. Ronan Machine – Yeah.. this team isn’t very good Shannon.  You simply can’t play Fantasy Football for 10+ years and come away from a draft with Ronald Jones as your RB3.  I mean sometimes you gotta zig when everyone else is zagging, but it looks more like one team zigged, another team zagged, and you kinda just zucked.  I can’t imagine the set of circumstances that would have to happen for this team to make the playoffs, but if you do, please throw this back in my face for years to come.

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