Enjoying the football banter in the new Facebook chat.  Great idea Nico!  Only way it could be better is if we could get Pat and New Joe in.  You only need the messenger app guys, you don’t have to do the whole facebook thing.

Here are your quintessential commissioners power rankings for week 3.

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1 – No Change – Jake & Elwood Blues – Another week, another win.  3-0, and one of only 3 teams over 400 points after 3 weeks.   Who needs a running game when you get all your WR choices right.

2 – No Change – congo.natty – Barely hanging on to the two spot, their week 3 win was a bit of good fortune.  Still, the emergence of Chris Godwin looks real, and helps answer some significant questions about their WR’s.

3 – No Change – Blind Squirrels – 142 points in week 3.  The Squirrels had been riding Gurley’s coattails a little early on, but now everyone’s starting to contribute.  Watch out.

4 – Up 7 – Just Win Baby – Ok OK, chill out man, you’re gonna start scaring people.  Jumping up a massive 7 spots, Just Win Maybe is starting to look more like Just Win Definitely.   Great performances on back to back weeks, don’t get cocky.

5 – Down 1 – Z’Smashmouths – A solid middle of the road kind of week, but faced the weeks top scorer.  No shame in the loss, but some inconsistent players seem to be playing inconsistently.  The Smashies really need David Johnson to start getting comfortable again and provide the safe comfortable floor for the running game.

6 – Up 1 – Big Lunch – Sometimes a solid week and a win is all you need to move up.  Week 3 was nothing astounding, but 2-1 is right about where we’d expect them.   Fuller & Henry for Wilson & Crowder.  Lunch’s moves look a little better when put together, but only time will tell if they truly improved, or just moved around some parts.

7 – Down 2 – Miki’s Mokes – The Mokes got their first loss.  2-1 is still a nice start, but it’s hard to keep them in the top 6 after an 89 point debacle on Sunday.  Still lots of talent on this team, there should be better days ahead.

8 – Down 2 – Niners R Metal – Hard to bounce back from an 0-3 start, especially when NRM hasn’t had a bad week yet.  Those bad weeks have to happen sometime, and when they do this ranking could plummet.  Second in points keeps them away from the basement, but they need to start realizing some of that potential pronto.

9 – Down 1 – Ronan Machine – Really just down 1 because some others moved up.  Week 3 was pretty ugly on the scoreboard, but a 50+ point Thursday from Jared Goff and the return of Leonard Fournette put them in a nice position going into the weekend.

10 – Up 2 – Kali Kine – Kali avoided a 0-3 start with a 150+ coming out party against the tough luck Roughnecks, and that’s while leaving a 50+ point day for Matt Ryan on the bench.  If the running game can contribute like this more regularly, this team should move into the top 6.

11 – Down 1 – El Paso Roughnecks – Top 6 in points, separated from the top 3 by only a couple points.  We said at the start of the year that the starting lineup was good, and so far it’s delivered.  A little luck, and the Roughneck’s could easily be 2-1, now they’re going to need it just to get out of this hole.

12 – Down 1 – Sweet Baby Jesus – They only needed a top 10 score to pickup a win in week 3, but finished 11th with 99.50 points.  This is a low point for SBJ but it doesn’t have to stay this way.  Week 4 should be interesting.  Arguably the two best WR core’s in the league square off when SBJ meets J&E.

Pretty busy with work this week, so the rankings are a little late, and a little less developed than I’d like, but without further ado..

Here are your quintessential commissioners power rankings.

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1 – No Change – Jake & Elwood Blues – An impressive week 2, only solidifies their status, but it had to be even sweeter when it was the Chicago Defense that delivered the come from behind win.  The blues is playing all the right notes to start the season.

2 – Up 3 – congo.natty – Could this really be the year?  Is 2018 when it all finally comes together for Congo.natty?  Looks like it so far.

3 – Down 1 – Blind Squirrels – No doubt a satisfying H2H win against brother Jesus, but we still need to see more points.  Expect Hunt to go off in a revenge game against his former fantasy team in week 3.

4 – No Change – Z’Smashmouths – Probably not as good as they were in week 1, and definitely not as bad as they were in week 2.  One thing that never changes.. losing close matchups against the Mokes.

5 – Up 1 – Miki’s Mokes – 2-0 but last in points.  What else really needs to be said here?

6 – Down 3 – Niners R Metal – 0-2 but second in points.   What else really needs to be said here?  Well, I guess that they are bad at making lineup decisions.

7 – Up 1 – Big Lunch – With Ingram and Edelman waiting in the wings, this looks like a team with Championship upside.  Nice bounce back win after a sub 100 point showing in week 1 which stands as the only sub 100 point week by any team so far this year.

8 – Down 1 – Ronan Machine – A loss, but nothing to be ashamed of in week 2.  Michael Thomas should do his part all year, but the Machines need Fournette to get healthy and be a true #1 back to really have a chance.  Wilkins and Morris aren’t going to cut it.

9 – Up 2 – El Paso Roughnecks – Watching the Roughnecks so far reminds me a little of watching the Browns.  A franchise that has struggled, but is finally doing some things right and still finding themselves without a win.   Maybe this week you’ll find your Baker Mayfield.

10 – No Change – Sweet Baby Jesus – Going to take it easy on you this week.  You seem a little grumpy and frustrated with your fantasy sports lately and as commissioner it’s my job to make sure you’re having a good time and enjoying yourself.  Don’t worry, beat congo.natty this week and you’ll get out of the double digit rankings for sure.

11 – Up 1 – Just Win Maybe – New Joe, I guess you earned the right to have your real team name listed, but the fact remains you beat an 0-2 team.  Not that big of an accomplishment.  Up 1 spot.

12 – Down 3 – Kali Kine – As someone who took Brees in the 5th round, I can definitely relate to how bad it sucks watching the QB you wasted a 5th round pick on score less points than your bench QB and cost you a matchup.  Sorry Herb, the season is young, but 0-2 and second to last in points.  It speaks for itself.

I’ve been asked before to add more images, so I thought I’d put an image specific to each week at the start of the rankings.   I chose Derek Carr this week, whose horrendous play cost me week 1.

First week is always a little wacky, so some big movements, but admittedly some teams were definitely punished more than others for poor performances.  This doesn’t feel very stable yet, and I have a feeling it’s going to be a chaotic first few weeks before the rankings generally settle in closer to how I ranked them in the first place 😉

Here are your quintessential commissioners power rankings.  

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1 – Up 1 – Jake & Elwood Blues – A team with a track record of recent success that seems to have nailed it in the draft.  If their WR depth is the Grand Canyon, their RB depth is a pothole, but J&E have made this strategy work before, and they know how to fill gaps on the wire.

2 – Down 1 – Blind Squirrels – On the surface week 1 looked pretty awful for Blind Squirrels, but they had tons of points on the bench, and had to suck up a -2 from the New Orleans Defense.  Slow start, but the addition of Hunt solidifies the running game, and they still generally look like a solid group. No need to panik.

3 – Up 3 – Niners R Metal – A massive 154 points looks good on the surface, but an 0-1 start is probably more befitting a team that got all it’s production from 4 players.  Always active, they already made a big splash in the trade market to address the WR position. The new look week 2 NRM should be interesting to watch.

4 – Up 4 – Z’Smashmouths – Soaring up the rankings, Z’Smashies are another team with a proven track record and they got consistent output from everyone on the roster in week 1.  This looks like a playoff team and the sky is the limit assuming David Johnson’s usage increases as the season goes on. I’m not sure if Zach will know what to do with a team he doesn’t have to completely recycle by the end of week 5.  

5 – Up 2 – Congo.natty – Another team bolstered by a couple otherworldly performances from their running game, the final score looks better than the actual player by player results.  Losing Delanie Walker for the year and a setback for Devonta Freeman won’t help much either. Still, it was a solid week on the waiver wire, and above average RB production on a weekly basis is a reasonable expectation from this group.

6 – Down 1 – Miki’s Mokes – Just when you think a second round investment in Aaron Rodgers couldn’t possibly be any dumber, he TOTALLY REDEEMS himself.  Miki won’t get that reference, but the Mokes did get a week 1 win by less than a point.

7 – UP 3 – Ronan Machine – How many teams would have the stones to draft Alfred Morris in the 4th round, and then bench him in week 1 for Kenny Stills and Jordan Wilkens?  The result of those decisions was 140 point big summer blowout win. Not too shabby.

8 – Down 5 – Big Lunch – This Big Lunch looked more like bird seed and carrots in week 1.  This team has made a huge investment in players that can hopefully help them in 3 or 4 weeks, but will they have enough wins by then for it to matter?

9 – Down 5 – Kali Kine – It was a rough week 1 loss, but hoping to eek out a win with a bottom 3 score isn’t really a strategy anyway.  Yep, I worked “hope isn’t a strategy” into a power ranking. Why? Because I’m a manager, and managers say stuff like that.

10 – Up 1 – Sweet Baby Jesus – Usually the team to lose a one point game, no one is happier to see New Joe enter the league than SBJ.  Super shocked by the lack of running production, but you got lucky with Yeldon. The overall point total was quite nice.

11 – Down 2 – El Paso Roughnecks – A very nice performance in week 1, backing up the wise assessment that this was a solid starting lineup.  Too bad you didn’t have Desean Jackson in on the only week all season he’ll be worth rostering.

12 – No Change- New Joe – Rookies don’t move up the rankings by losing.  Sure, Jimmy Graham didn’t hold up his end of the bargain on Monday night, but as a Raider fan how do you look past your 9th round pick Jordy Nelson, and overthink it with 12th rounder Rashaad Maaatthews coming back from injury?  Lots of uncomfortable questions coming out of this finish, but 135 points is a very good week and a tough loss by any standard.

Since you’re all pretty decent at this, and most of you have at some point won a fantasy football championship sometime, it’s likely that you don’t really need my expert fantasy football analysis.  

Actually, most of you do probably still need it, but you don’t think you do, so I just kept the bulk of my analysis and tips for those teams that are still looking for their first title.  (More on that below)

The rest of you get a ranking and some harmless shit talked in your general direction to get our competitive fires burning.  

For the teams that haven’t won titles, I know you probably feel like you could use a little help and insight from a multiple time champion and retired fantasy sports writer.  Yes, I’m really busy, but I made the time because in the end I’d like to see every team succeed eventually.  

 

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Here are the quintessential commissioners power rankings.   If you disagree, you’re wrong.

 1. Blind Squirrels

Whenever I hear people talking about Marcus Mariota, they always compare him to Alex Smith, but what I don’t hear very often is people talking about how they want to target both of them.   I’m sure with Todd Gurley it doesn’t matter who you start at QB, but the rest of us still have to at least pay attention to it a little.  That said, you drafted the right players.

 2. Jake & Elwood Blues 

You and Zach really love to draft WR4 running backs.  Do you realize that Cohen, White, and Bernard combined didn’t have as many carries last year as Lamar Miller?  Is finding the next Darren Sproles to flex out on your bye weeks really worth 3 bench spots? Apparently so.  The starting lineup is balanced and legit tho.

3. Big Lunch

You’re probably going to win when Jimmy G puts up the highest single season touchdown total of any quarterback in NFL history so even though you didn’t have to draft a solid team with excellent RB depth you did.

4. Kali Kine

I don’t know if Ross and Eckler need to be owned in a 12 team league, but there isn’t really that much I can hate on with your team.  I wouldn’t want it of course, but still it looks like your brain is starting to come out of the Command Center fog that left you out of the playoffs 3 of the last 4 years.  This is a solid team that’s maybe lacking a little in explosiveness 

5. Miki’s Mokes

This team would look a lot better if instead of Aaron Rodgers it had ABSOLUTELY ANY OTHER AVAILABLE PLAYER taken in the second round.  Otherwise a lot to like here, and nothing much to hate about the draft. I think maybe one too many Rams WR’s. Which means you have two.  Two is too many, because you never need more than one. One, is the ideal number of WR’s to take from the same team.

6. NINERS R METAL

See this is how you do it.  Massive upside at RB, and then a ton of mixed and matched WR’s balancing safe low upside startable talent and big upside breakout candidates.  Really an expert quality draft we’ll look back on and realize was far better than this modest ranking.

 7. Congo Natty – Comprehensive Analysis

Overall – Now I know hearing that your team is “amazing” would be a big confidence boost.  Unfortunately, while confidence is important, even more important is learning to accurately assess your team.  The truth is that your team is just “ok”.  It has some big strengths but they are balanced out by some pretty big weaknesses.  You’ve clearly learned that safe producers are important, but the key is mixing those safe producers with players that are poised for the career bests.  Outside of Alvin Kamara I don’t see anyone else like that, do you?

The Good – What’s not to love about Kamara, Gordon and Freeman?  Ok, so I don’t really love Gordon and Freeman, but ADP says it’s an amazing group and who am I to argue with ADP?  You believe in them and that belief is somewhat justified.  Godwin, Amendola and Powell were also nice bench picks where you took them.

The Bad – Someone had to take Doug Baldwin, so I can’t hold that against you, but no one had to take Kelvin Benjamin.  The WR group in general is just not a strong mix of names.  In the future, if you want to take Fitzgerald, then maybe don’t take Baldwin too and then go Allen Hurns.  Josh Doctson? When has Alex Smith ever made a second WR good?

My advice – Remember who you are.  Stop hiding with these weird typefaces and cryptic messages. There are many struggling franchises looking for their first trip to the mountain top, but they step out and proudly put on their Browns helmet anyway.  You are congo.natty.  Reclaim your identity, swap half your team by week 4, and then I’m confident you’ll be ready to make your run at fantasy immortality.

8. Z’Smashmouths

Zach hosted an awesome draft party, so I’m guessing he was distracted.   If the goal was to draft the team with the most players who formally missed entire seasons due to injury.  This was definitely the best draft.   Zach, I know you’re at your best with a chip on your shoulder, so starting out just 1 spot above the Roughnecks should do the trick.

 9. The Roughnecks

Per my own rules I said I’d only give advice to teams that have never won a championship.  Nevertheless, don’t feel like you can’t hit me up on the side and ask for a few tips, you’re one of my best and oldest friends and I’m always here for you.  Unfortunately, it’s too late to ask me for better options than DeSean Jackson, Mohamed Sanu, Cole Beasley, and Frank Gore. Shame too, I mostly like your starting lineup.

10.  Ronan Machine

You got the players you want, and there is something to be said for that.  I’m impressed by your ability to trust your own instincts and take players you like anytime you want, regardless of what you need, or what the best values are left on the draft board.  Alfred Morris ahead of Alex Collins, LeSean McCoy, Carlos Hyde, and Derek Henry… of course!! Njoku in round 6? Why not! You go girl.

11. Sweet Baby Jesus

Overall – Chris, you’re coming off a stellar third place finish last year.  Stellar for you that is, not for me, that’s why you need this extra attention.  

The Good – You really did do a nice job of filling out your top 3 WRs this year, and by that I mean, you didn’t screw it up (ok, they are kinda scary).  Still, I can’t be too impressed when you used your first three picks. I also have to applaud the thought process that went behind reaching for Kyle Rudolph.  That’s the sort of confident decision making I’d like to see more of.

The Bad – After being left with LeSean McCoy as a RB1, did you really back him up with Nick Chubb, Ronald Jones, Marlon Mack and Aaron Jones?  Chris, this just isn’t good enough. It’s not even close, and if there is some tiny part of you that is thinking “maybe Mark is wrong”, I urge you to tweet that list of RBs to anyone of your choosing.  Maybe, if I’m feeling really generous, I’ll let you trade me Tyreek Hill for Joe Mixon.  We’ll see.

My Advice – Start looking for RB’s homie.  That shit’s a mess.

12. New Joe

Overall – As a new team, you’re obviously last.  You have no track record, and most importantly, no championships.  Now, you may be tempted to say “Just stop! I’ll be fine, I don’t need your help.”  And I know that’s true, I know you know what you’re doing, and that’s why you’re here now in the greatest fantasy football league of them all.  But I also know you remember the championship game in our Family League last year and understand that I can help you get to the next level.  The next level is of course winning, which is what I did.

For the record, I’ll be referring to you as “New Joe”, or “Just win maybe?” That’s as close as I can get, and it’s a lot closer than the Raiders are going to be to Oakland next year.  BA DUM BUM!  (that was a drum sound)  Also, your draft was ok I guess.  Truth be told it was better than at least one other person, who will remain nameless.

The Good – There are some legitimate point scorers on this team and I think you’ll have some big weeks.  You have blown away the league at the TE position.

The Bad – You have blown away the league at the TE position.  I like where your heart is with those picks, but will you be comfortable running Dion Lewis and Raashad Penny out there as your RB1/RB2 if Barkley tears his ACL in week 1?    Just something to think about.

My advice – See if you can beat Chris to the waiver wire for some usable running backs.