Preseason Power Rankings

Most of the drafts are pretty equivalent.  We’re either all bad, or maybe all kinda decent?  Also it should be noted, this probably isn’t the order most likely to succeed, which would of course have NRM at the top.

 1.  Big Lunch – The Champ is here

Overall -A- – A draft so obviously good, even Yahoo almost graded it right.

  • WR’s – A – 3 top 12 WR’s + Maclin?  With 4 that solid, who needs additional depth.
  • RB’s – B – Gore should hold up for awhile, and there’s tons of upside guys on the bench.
  • TE – B- – Like Rudolph, but need a lil more upside than Miller as a backup.
  • QB – B – Brady should be top 10 this year.
  • Bench – B+ – Well drafted, but I don’t love the names.

2.  Z’Smashmouths – Mark Aaron Kadubec says that extra “a” in Jaamal is just plain unnecessary!

Overall – B+ – The draft of someone who mocks a lot.  Tons of great value, not enough people you really wanted.

  • WR’s – B- – No one to really get excited about, but wasn’t drafted to be the strength of the team.
  • RB’s – A – It doesn’t get better than Charles, Hill and Miller.
  • TE – C+ – Daniels and Davis have interesting upside, but possibly a pretty low floor.
  • QB – B – I don’t know if you needed both Eli and Rivers, but one of them should be fine.
  • Bench – A- – When it’s hard to tell the bench guys from the starters you either did a really good job, or screwed up royally.  I think in this case it’s the former.

3 .  congo.natty – One of just two original teams to have never won a championship!

Overall – B+ – I didn’t like this team as he drafted it, but on second look it’s pretty good.  B+ like Tony Romo.

  • WR’s – B- –  I like the names, but feel like it’s the wrong year.
  • RB’s – B -Good depth, but between Ameer, Hyde, and Bernard, it’s hard to be sure there’s a playable RB2 there.
  • TE – A- – Cameron and Jenkins are a good combo.
  • QB – B+ – Brees is good, but Kaepernick?
  • Bench – B+ – Good balance and some guys you could throw in in a pinch.

4.  Blind Squirrels – What does this team name even mean?  I think an explanation is necessary.

Overall – B – More B’s than a picnic.  Points champ gets a top 6 spot on street cred.

  • WR’s – B –  If Jeffery has to miss week 1 I can live with that…
  • RB’s – B+ – CJ Anderson as an RB2 makes this automatically above average.
  • TE – B+ – Am I the only one that liked Olson better when Kelvin Benjamin was healthy?
  • QB – B+ – Bradford’s a play to win pick.  Of course you also have the two quarterbacks least likely to finish a full season.
  • Bench – B – Solid.

5.  Miki’s Mokes – You’d have looked better with that championship belt.

Overall – B – I blame the daughters.

  • WR’s – B- – Like the starters, but no startable depth to cover the potential Evans injury = trouble
  • RB’s – B – Quite a few playable options week 1.  No stars, guys who should get a bunch of carries.  It’s aight.
  • TE – A – Cause you drafted Gronk.
  • QB – A- – I guess if we imagine a world where you took Gronk first and Rodgers in the third.. it’s a little more ok.
  • Bench – C+ – Did good on the RB depth, but that’s about it.

6.  Kali Kine – Is there life after Brees?

Overall – B – It looked better when I first saw it.

  • WR’s – B- –  It’ll be a better grade when Martavis Bryant comes back in week 5.
  • RB’s – B- – AP bumped your grade up as far as he could, but we don’t even know if your RB2 is going to get the most carries.
  • TE – A- – Jimmy Graham!  Sigh.. Seahawks.. jerks.
  • QB – B+ – The Cam Newton pick is defensible since you got him in the 11th.
  • Bench – B+ – I like it.  Not enough startable players to be an A, but some savvy nice stashes.

7. Ronan Machines – You’ve still got a couple years before it’s been a decade since your last title.  No need to rush.

Overall – B- – I’m just not sure where the big points are going to come from.

  • WR’s – C- –  Cobb is nice, and Agholor has some upside, but this group is likely going to be a problem.
  • RB’s – B- – Instantly a B+ when Bell comes back, and Spiller successfully plays two games in a row.  Until then, a half grade lower.
  • TE – B – Kinda like Delanie where you got him.
  • QB – A- – Matt Ryan’s a B+ and a bonus grade for not wasting a pick with a backup like NRM did.
  • Bench – B – Not too shabby.  A bit like Zach’s bench, but maybe I’m  little less certain on the outcome…

8.  Sweet Baby Jesus – Well, at least Dodger fans are used to saying “Is this finally our year?”

Overall – B- – AJ Green, Sammy Watkins and Matt Forte are the RB/WR oundation of this team.   I’m not sure how that makes me feel.

  • WR’s – B- –  My own opinions about a Watkins breakout year aside.. it’s kinda an underwhelming group.
  • RB’s – B- – You moved this up a full grade by being smart enough to grab Ingram when he fell.  It’s not a good group of RB’s though.
  • TE – A- – Bennett’s probably going to be awesome this year.
  • QB – A – You have the best one, and you got him in the third.  No brainer.
  • Bench – C- – A couple of guys might be good, but it’s just as likely none of them but Bridgewater are on your roster in 3 weeks.

9.  Jake &Elwood Blues – The other original team without a championship.

Overall – B- – Just focus on keeping your team healthy this year.  Hire a trainer or something.

  • WR’s – A- – Very strong starting 3, and nice additional options.
  • RB’s – D+ – Decent PPR backs, but pretty low ceiling.
  • TE – B+ – I like the Kelce pick a lot, and it didn’t come too early.
  • QB – F—— – Because you drafted fucking Russell Wilson.  Ok, maybe he’s really a B+.  NO HE’S NOT HE’S an F!  – F! F! F! F!  GET OUT OF MY CLASS! – F MINUS!
  • Bench – B- – Not to shabby.  Maybe could have used another high upside RB option.

10.  Cangniner – The guy you knew would draft Reggie Bush

Overall – B- – A lot of talent, and should be dangerous early in the season, but looking pretty thin on depth.

  • WR’s – B+ – Really only Smith Sr and Johnson’s age keep this out of the A range.
  • RB’s – C- – Demarco’s cool, and it could work out if Foster comes back early.. but who else?
  • TE – A- – Eifert and Julius Thomas is about as good as you can do at the position without going in early.
  • QB – B- – Love me some Peyton.  Cutler is a passable backup and a known quantity.
  • Bench – C- – Welker’s not on a team and David Cobb’s on IR.  Only 2 startable RB’s on the roster.

11.  El Paso Roughnecks – This leagues so old, even Nico’s won it once.

Overall -B- – No Cowboy goes undrafted!

  • WR’s – B – No one who drafts Michael Floyd will get above a B from me.
  • RB’s – C – I like the focus on RB’s this year, but not if I’m gonna come away with Morris and Blount.
  • TE – B – I’m ok with Witten.  You probably took him too early.
  • QB – B+ – Romo’s a B+, that’s who he is.
  • Bench – C – Why are Cole Beasles and  Zac Stacy on this team?

12.  NINERS R METAL – Because they deserve as many caps in their name as they want.

Overall – C – I blame the daughters.

  • WR’s – C – Yeah, about that… you forgot to draft some that are actually playing.
  • RB’s – A- – They sparkle.
  • TE – D- – Jordan Reed?  I hope you know what you’re doing…
  • QB – C+ – Both fine young quarterbacks with upside, but why do you have two of them instead of a playable WR?  WTF were you thinking.
  • Bench – B- – Tons of that “upside” stuff you like.  Not much else.








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